Im going to be a Fireman.

DBPqnG4XsAAkpGl.jpg

Lately Riley has been saying when he grows up he wants to be a Fireman. Every day I hear him singing the theme tune for ‘Fireman Sam’ whilst playing along with his little characters. Every time i see him acting out everything he just fills my heart with joy.

Everyday on the way home from school he slides down lamposts because he thinks they’re firepoles. Ever lampost we go past ill hear ‘when you hear that fire alarm’… But to know he is already interested in becoming a Fireman is a wonderful sound to my ears!!

Although sometimes it is hard to hear because living in the cancer world nobody knows what the next scans will say… I have lots of other Neuroblastoma parents and families on my facebook and it is hard when they’re gone through relapse. Its hard to see a child doing so well and then see them poorly again. It breaks my heart every single time i see another child relapse or get diagnosed. Who knows what will happen if Riley’s cancer does come back, sadly it is a question nobody can answer. There will be treatments like before but how bad if it did come back is what scares me the most… I pray and wish everyday that it doesn’t. Hes enjoying his life at the moment, hes living like a normal child at his age should be.

Id love nothing more then Riley to become the person he wants to be. A fireman! Id love to see him on his first day at work in his uniform. Id be the proudest parent.

But then i find myself thinking sometimes ‘what if he cant be a fireman?’ ‘what if the cancer returns?’ Then i find myself thinking about if he does relapse what if this time its not curable. All the what if questions do take over my mind alot of the time when your living the life we sadly have too. I know Riley’s is in remission and i couldn’t wish for anything more then that but i guess i could wish to have xray vision to make sure the cancer isn’t returning. I’ve children that looks absolutely amazing and yet they are so poorly and that is what is hard. All the not knowing and trying to live a normal life is really hard sometimes.

Riley is doing really really well at the moment. Everybody is so pleased with how well he has developed since finishing his treatment in 2016. I have to stay positive. We have 4 more years to stay in remission. We will do it and Riley will become a Fire Fighter like he wants to be. I will have faith. Im going to believe hes going to remain strong for the next 4 years and he will stay in remission. I need to stop been negative about this cancer world. It might have effected us for the past 3 years but its not going to anymore. I wont let it!

”some kids wish to be a cowboy, to be a princess, or a farmer, other kids wish for a cure so they can grow up”

Changing our lives.

myloveHi,

We live in Middleton, Leeds.

In 2014 when Riley was just 21months he was diagnosed with a High Risk aggressive cancer called Neuroblastoma. Riley had Stage Four which meant it had spread around his body and was also in his bone marrow.

Neuroblastoma is a form of Childhood Cancer, it is a tumour of the sympathetic nervous system. Most often occurring in the abdomen. Neuroblastoma effects just under 100 children a year in the UK.

Riley received treatment for 15months, chemotherapy, surgery, stem cell harvest, high dose chemotherapy, stem cell transplant, radiotherapy, immunotherapy (GD2) and antibodies.

After all his treatments, Riley was put in remission in March 2016 with no evidence of disease. Riley has now been in remission for 1 full year, 365 days!

When Riley was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma, I felt like the world was crashing down around me. I didn’t hear anything that anybody was saying to me. All I could hear was the words “we think your son has cancer” over and over and over again… “your child has cancer” these are words no parent ever wants to hear!

I felt like my heart had stopped. I sat there thinking about all the things I had done with Riley. Then I found myself sat thinking about all the things I hadn’t yet done with Riley. Not forgetting he wasn’t even 2 yet… Before I knew it. I was sat thinking am I even going to get the chance to do things with him? I started overthinking everything. Everything you could imagine.

After a while, even though the news hadn’t settled in yet. I had 1000 questions flying around in my head. I started to question was it my fault? Did I do something wrong to cause this? What did I do to deserve this? Why my child, why Riley?

It’s strange because I can remember everything like it was yesterday… I’m always going to remember it though because it was the worst day of my life. My beautiful blue eyed boy was diagnosed with a awful life threatening cancer. No matter what was going through my head I needed to be strong for Riley. I needed to tell him everything was going to be okay and I guess I needed to believe it too.

But… i went from been a ‘normal’ mummy to a oncology mummy in the space of a few hours and a few words…