Lately Riley has been saying when he grows up he wants to be a Fireman. Every day I hear him singing the theme tune for ‘Fireman Sam’ whilst playing along with his little characters. Every time i see him acting out everything he just fills my heart with joy.
Everyday on the way home from school he slides down lamposts because he thinks they’re firepoles. Ever lampost we go past ill hear ‘when you hear that fire alarm’… But to know he is already interested in becoming a Fireman is a wonderful sound to my ears!!
Although sometimes it is hard to hear because living in the cancer world nobody knows what the next scans will say… I have lots of other Neuroblastoma parents and families on my facebook and it is hard when they’re gone through relapse. Its hard to see a child doing so well and then see them poorly again. It breaks my heart every single time i see another child relapse or get diagnosed. Who knows what will happen if Riley’s cancer does come back, sadly it is a question nobody can answer. There will be treatments like before but how bad if it did come back is what scares me the most… I pray and wish everyday that it doesn’t. Hes enjoying his life at the moment, hes living like a normal child at his age should be.
Id love nothing more then Riley to become the person he wants to be. A fireman! Id love to see him on his first day at work in his uniform. Id be the proudest parent.
But then i find myself thinking sometimes ‘what if he cant be a fireman?’ ‘what if the cancer returns?’ Then i find myself thinking about if he does relapse what if this time its not curable. All the what if questions do take over my mind alot of the time when your living the life we sadly have too. I know Riley’s is in remission and i couldn’t wish for anything more then that but i guess i could wish to have xray vision to make sure the cancer isn’t returning. I’ve children that looks absolutely amazing and yet they are so poorly and that is what is hard. All the not knowing and trying to live a normal life is really hard sometimes.
Riley is doing really really well at the moment. Everybody is so pleased with how well he has developed since finishing his treatment in 2016. I have to stay positive. We have 4 more years to stay in remission. We will do it and Riley will become a Fire Fighter like he wants to be. I will have faith. Im going to believe hes going to remain strong for the next 4 years and he will stay in remission. I need to stop been negative about this cancer world. It might have effected us for the past 3 years but its not going to anymore. I wont let it!
”some kids wish to be a cowboy, to be a princess, or a farmer, other kids wish for a cure so they can grow up”