🎗CCAM. I didn’t think, cancer.

Even when Riley wasn’t eating and sleeping a lot, I didn’t think cancer.

When I was taking Riley to the doctors for 3 weeks in a row, i didn’t think cancer.

When me and my mum took him to the emergency doctors, we didn’t think cancer.

When Rileys eye was swollen, we didn’t think cancer.

When we was sitting in the A&E with Riley waiting to see the doctor, we didn’t think cancer.

When Riley spent 3 days in the hospital on antibiotics and fluids, i didn’t think cancer.

When Riley had a eye test and got sent to the hospital for a CT scan, i didn’t think cancer.

When I was sitting in a room with Riley on my knee been told that they had found a lump on the CT scan, I didn’t think cancer.

When Riley had test after test after test, I didn’t think cancer.

Until it was…

When we were sat in a room meeting the oncologist team and nurses, I didn’t want it to be cancer.

When Riley was having an anaesthetic for the first time, I didn’t want it to be cancer.

When Riley was having a Hickman line placed into his chest, I didn’t want it to be cancer.

When we were admitted onto the children’s oncology ward, I didn’t want it to be cancer.

When you notice all the bald children on the ward and wonder why your child is there, I didn’t want it to be cancer.

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Please educate yourself on the signs and symptoms of Childhood Cancer!

#gogold #ccam #glowgold 🎗

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Cancerversary🎗

🎗FOUR years ago today my heart was broken, i was told my baby had cancer… stage 4 high risk neuroblastoma.

as a family this was the worst day of our lives. we had all these people trying to tell us information about what was going to happen next & all i could think about was what riley was like only a few weeks before like a ‘normal’ child but the child that was sat on my knee now had cancer & he was so poorly.

riley had 15 months worth of treatment – 7 chemotherapy sessions, 4hours in surgery having his main tumour removed, high dose chemotherapy, stem cell transplant where he spent 9 long weeks in the same room after catching so many infections and also spending time in intensive care, 15 radiotherapy sessions, immunotherapy & antibodies treatment riley was put into remission & has been for over 2 years now.

we have met some of the most amazing people throughout this journey, riley has been cared for by the most amazing Oncology Team – his consultants, doctors, nurses and surgeons who will always have a massive place in my heart!🎗

it is the most amazing thing to see riley going to school now, making friends, laughing & smiling. he amazes me every single day and I couldn’t be any more proud of him!

Riley is and always will be our very own super hero🎗

🎗Scanxiety, it’s a thing.

Scanxiety, it’s a thing…

It doesn’t go away,

It comes and goes but it doesn’t go away.

It’s been 3 years, 10months so scan days are nothing new. Maybe this should be getting easier? Sometimes it does, but sometimes it doesn’t.. it hits me like a tone of bricks crashing down on me again and these are the moments when it’s hard to breathe sometimes.

You know it hits you out the blue, I could be driving to Morrison’s and remember it’s scan day next week, tears well up in my eyes until there’s too many and they drip down my cheeks then there I am sniffling and sobbing, a living breathing bundle of anxiety.

I know I should be trusting my gut because that’s telling me everything will be okay and Riley looks amazing but I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t have these moments where the worries and fears just come running in and it seems so much bigger then I can handle!

Here I am tonight, lying in bed wondering what the mri will say tomorrow! Don’t think I’ll get much sleep tonight.

What if there’s a small tiny tumour?

What if there’s a different cancer?

What if, what if, what if?

Just when I think it’s all quiet and calm in my heart the worse case scenarios would start playing out in my head! The memory or when I was told Riley had cancer is there all the time. There is no off button.

For the past 3 years and 10 months all I’ve wanted to do is take this all away from Riley. But I can’t, all I can do is wait for the results.

So that’s what I have to do.

It’s scan day tomorrow.

🎗Goodbye September. CCAM. #ablogaday

So September has passed us by,

The month is nearly done.

We thank you all for going gold,

Each and every one.

We weren’t here to scare you,

We don’t want to annoy.

We simply like to spread the word,

To help your girl or boy.

We sprinkled awareness everywhere,

Shared the stories of those we love.

We’ve Glowed and we’ve sparkled,

To show the hope that we dream of.

For the children who are in pain,

For our babies suffering.

For the parents clinging onto hope,

Why? they are wondering.

For the Angels up in heaven,

We must never stop believing

That one day everyone will know

And they’ll be no more grieving.

So now you know.

You’ve learnt a lot.

Children are suffering,

Much more than you thought.

But for us it won’t be over,

We’re aware every single day.

Please keep spreading glitter,

In each and every way.

For us, our courageous children,

Are far more precious than gold.

For us all we truly want,

Is for our children to grow old.

🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗🎗

🎗The GOLD ribbon. CCAM. #ablogaday. day30.

So that’s it. September is over for 2018!

I’m winding down now, I’m tired after reliving some of our memories through cancer… I need to put them back in my box rather then in my head. After all we are forgetting cancer this year (well trying!)

I think it’s safe to say us cancer parents have a lot to put up with. There is a lack of funding, research and awareness!!!

We want you to know the GOLD ribbon as well as you know the PINK ribbon. I know every cancer is shit. My grandma had breast cancer so I always support the pink ribbon too. But, in awareness terms breast cancer has a high profile. It gets a fair bit of funding and awareness.

Most people seems to prefer to stick their heads in the sand and honestly pretend children don’t get cancer, rather than face the stark reality that they bloody do and they also still die in 2018!

We need kinder treatments. Not the ones that give you secondary cancers hear later when you are just starting to enjoy your life.

Childhood cancers are different to adult cancers. They don’t have the same treatments, they have different research.

Honestly. The more we shout about Childhood Cancer, the more awareness we raise!!! The more awareness we raise, the more interest and money we can get for research! The more research we get the more lives we can possibly save.

It is simple.

We have no idea why kids get cancer, that’s why we need more research!!!

Children can be born with cancer and often are… Riley’s cancer is likely to have started growing whilst he was still inside my tummy.

So, what is it?

Until we have more research, we don’t know but, I do know it could happen to anyone. It happened to my child, it’s only rare until it’s you or someone you know.

Oh, before I forget, fuck cancer…..