Daily Life

Ive realised!

A few weeks ago I posted a blog asking what a true friend was. https://justsophandriley.blog/2018/04/09/what-is-a-true-friend/

Well after many many many arguments with my ‘friend’ and so much disappointment I’ve realised I’m done. I was done a long time ago but been the person I am I gave them another chance to prove me and everybody else wrong. They just proved us all right.

I feel like I’m honestly changing, I’m 24. I’m an adult. I don’t need the childish friendships that they are wanting. I’m finally getting my shit together and it feels good!

I have made so much effort with them and haven’t gotten anything in return apart from upset. It does hurt, of course it’s going to hurt. We’ve been ‘friends’ for an unlucky 13 years. But I’m making this decision because of their actions and I’m not sorry.

They have been horrible to me. Honestly they have done me a favour now. I can realise what I do actually want in a friend and what I N E V E R want again. I don’t need somebody who is this toxic. They’ve taken so much of my emotional energy from me. Life is too short to have people treat you the way you don’t treat them. I wouldn’t do to them what they have me. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who don’t have your best interests at heart. Your best friend should be your biggest fan. They shouldn’t be nasty too you or nasty about you. There’s enough people out there that can be nasty to you, your best friend and your friendship group should not be one of those people. Surround yourself with people who raise and praise you.

I met up with one of my friends I’ve known since primary school. We went too our kids favourite play areas and you know what it was really nice to sit down and have a double c (coffee&chat) about the kids, school, mummy life, clothes and the celeb gossip! It was actually lovely to spend time with somebody who actually enjoyed my company.

My friend has not long had a baby boy. It was lovely to have some baby snuggles too which is always a bonus! The kids all played together nicely and we even arranged another day trip out! We used to always hang out not long after I had Riley as they only used to live down the street from us. When Riley got poorly obviously all my attention was on him and I put my social life aside when they have always understood!

It’s nice to know that I do have friends. Friends I don’t have to speak too everyday. When I’m with them I know I am wanted.

I’m taking massive steps in my life to change. To be a better person. To be a stronger person.

Be picky with your clothes, friend & time.

Daily Life

23 things I’ve learned in 23 years.

Tomorrow I will be turning 24!

23 was definitely a great year for me. I passed my driving test. Riley’s reached a 2 in remission. I discovered I actually like muscles (fish). Riley saw paw patrol live. I laughed a lot more. I discovered I’m dyslexic. Riley started Reception. I’ve experienced so much in 23 years – the good, the bad, the ugly, and the wonderful.

So, Im sharing whatever I think I’ve learnt during my 23 years on this planet we call home. But, I know I still have a thousand more things to be learnt.

So here it is a list of things I’ve learnt in 20212223 years…

  1. Your mother will always be there for you no matter how many arguments you will have she will always be there.
  2. Don’t take social media so seriously it’s not about how many likes you get.
  3. Singing alone in the car can fix a lot of things. Who doesn’t love a good karaoke car?
  4. Sometimes you just need to let things go. Not really forgive and forget but accept that you can’t do anything and just move on.
  5. You’re capable of so much more then you think. Try new things you’ll see.
  6. Most things aren’t worth getting upset about after all it’ll all be forgotten about in a day or two.
  7. People will likely talk about you behind your back but it doesn’t mean they don’t care.
  8. Spend money wisely. Save as much as you can you never know when you might need it for an emergency.
  9. Sometimes bad things happen to good people we can’t change it.
  10. Different doesn’t mean better or worse, it means different! Nobody’s the same.
  11. Say no to people when you have too, you have to take care of yourself.
  12. Surround yourself with positive people.
  13. If you feel like something needs to be said, say it! Don’t let things eat away in your mind.
  14. Stand up for yourself. Don’t let people treat you like rubbish.
  15. Make sure the important people in your life know their important. Check in on them. Don’t take people for granted they won’t always be around.
  16. Sometimes people only want to know you because of what you have not because of you as a person.
  17. Take things one day at a time. Don’t stress too much about the future whatever happens, happens.
  18. Everything happens for a reason, it makes you the person you are today.
  19. Smile and laugh more. Laughing definitely makes you feel better.
  20. Always be yourself, you don’t need to try and fit in.
  21. Take lots of pictures! They make great memories in years to come.
  22. Always apply primer before foundation.
  23. Always set more then 1 alarm for the morning. If you dont hear the first one im pretty sure you might just hear the 5th one!
Daily Life

Been a hard few weeks.

I’ve had probably the worst two weeks I’ve had in a while. I’ve cried so many tears. It’s been so difficult for me but I’ve got past it and right now I’m honestly at the point where I don’t care anymore but who knows what I’m like tomorrow or the day after or next week….

I’ve decided the time has come that me and Riley need to adventure away from my parents house and find a place for us to finally call our home. I don’t know how I can say I’ve decided when tbh it feels like I’m been pushed out. See my parents think it’s for the best because ‘we will get along better’… I just think it’s because they don’t want me around anymore tbh, which I know probably isn’t true but it’s how I honestly have felt since they said about getting me own place. Whatever to that too. I am 24 next month so it is probably about time I did move out. Just hard when the only place you’ve known as home won’t be anymore.

Last Sunday I ended up getting into an arguments with my parents. Things were said, some very upsetting things. Which I still feel upset about it all but we’ve all apologised and ‘sorted it’. It’s just difficult for me to talk about a lot of things in the family to people because I find it hard for people to understand where I’m coming from. It’s just hard for me to know that I am wanted in the family. Sometimes I feel like the disappointment, when I think back to school and collage I probably am that. I didn’t do well at school. I just pay for it now I guess. It was only last year I found out I was dyslexic and then everything made sense, just found out at the wrong time.

On the other hand I’ve had my fair arguments with somebody who I thought was my best friend. I’ve been pushed too the side. Had about everything thrown in my face. As I keep saying to myself I don’t need the negativity in my life. I don’t need the drama or the upset. I’m sick of standing on egg shells, been paranoid and nervous about them. I’m passed it and no longer care. Friends come and go…

Even though these past two weeks have been difficult I’ve made it. I’ve felt the looniest I have felt in a while. I’ve felt so low. I didn’t brush my hair for 3 days, I didn’t shower for 5. I wasn’t walking Coco. I was dropping Riley off at school and coming home and getting back into bed. Something I haven’t done in months…

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Even though I have spent two weeks crying, been upset, been anxious and stressed I don’t think I would have got through it without somebody special in my life. Somebody who’s kept me on my feet. Kept me talking. Kept my smiling and been there for me every time I have needed it. He has been my absolute rock! It’s nice to know somebody’s got my back and thinks about me. It’s been hard for me so I don’t know what it’s been like for them. I know I can be a pain in the bum most times, probably all the time. It’s just nice to know that somebody actually does care about me. Is there for me when I do need it.

I get Riley’s scan results on Monday too. He had his 6month check up scan on Friday the 13th. What an awful day I know! I keep telling myself everything will be fine but last week he was upset because his belly was hurting him and he wasn’t eating that much. He has these little bruises under his eyes which will always be there because of the cancer growing there when he was diagnosed so when he gets pale they get darker so that always makes me on edge! Just got to think about the best results and try and forget about the worst but the worst are always going to be there before the best because they always always take over. Like now, it’s what 12.37am and even writing that is making me think about them. It’s torture. The negative thoughts taking the positives!

I know this is totally different to what I’m used to writing about. I’m sorry.

Sophie. xx

Daily Life

What is a true friend?

What is a true friend because honestly I don’t have a clue anymore! I could swear I’m so angry lately about this! It has really got to me these past couple of weeks and I’m ready to burst

How can somebody be there for us when Riley was going through his cancer treatment and then just treat me like a piece of dirt on their shoe. But tbh even when I think back all they did was come to the hospital once or twice…

Over the past few days I’ve sat here in my own mind thinking what the hell is a true friend? Surely they don’t lie to you? Hurt your feelings? Not listen to you when you try telling them things? Makes you feel down? Makes you doubt your not actually good enough?

I’m pretty sure a true friend doesn’t ask where I am? What I’m doing? Doesn’t ask how I even am?

I get to the point where I no longer want to go online on facebook to be asked twenty questions.

How can I say they’re my best friend when they don’t even ask me how I am? Yet when they ring me it’s the first thing they ask me then all they do is talk about themselves and have a moan. Like is that all in good for? How can I say they’re my best friend when they have totally pushed me to one side because in their eyes somebody better has come along. Yet they moan about them too me? What even is that? What them two people have done to me when they have been together has been awful, it’s been upsetting and it’s made me angry.

I’ve been made to feel like I’m been stalked. Like I can’t go out because somebody who knows them are feeding back information too her.

How can they not ask me how I am? If they was there for me like they make out to be they’d ask me how I am right?

I’m seem to be the person people take things out on lately. The person people just moan at when things don’t go there way. The person that gives the advice but when it comes to me needing somebody to be there they don’t want to know.

This is surely not a true friend?

Deep down I don’t know what a true friend is.

Don’t get me wrong I have people I can talk to online but it’s not the same is it, let’s face it.

I honestly feel like I’m not good enough, I’m not worth the time. I feel like they just don’t understand I have other priorities. I can’t leave my child to go out every weekend it’s just not fair on him or my parents.

I am so upset and so angry. My heart is raising in so annoyed. I can’t carry on like this. If I have no friends then so be it. I don’t need somebody like this is my life forever. I can’t. I don’t need the drama or the upset!

I need a true friend. Whatever that is.

Daily Life

Giving Cancer The Finger.

 

This year we are giving cancer the middle finger!

2018 isn’t going to be about cancer or neuroblastoma. its not going to get the attention it doesn’t deserve.

2018 is time for Riley to learn lots of new things and to have more adventures. Everyday he wakes up with a smile on his face showing cancer it didn’t win this battle and its not about to destroy his day.

Riley knows he had cancer but he doesn’t let that beat him so why should we let cancer be so focused on in 2018? We shouldn’t! 

We know the side effects from his treatment will be there with us daily regarding his physical development & his ears but that is something we are dealing with now, sooner rather then later in the year. We’ve just got an appointment sorted out for ENT next week!

We’re going to make lots more memories. Try lots of new things. Adventure further and laugh so much more then we have done before.

2018 also marks 2 full years in remission which is obviously amazing!

We’ve focused our lives on cancer so much these past 3 years, with Riley having all his different treatments, tests & scans in between them & then waiting for the results. It gives you the worst anxiety you ever have to experience. Don’t get me wrong the anxiety is probably always going to be around tests & scans because you will never know what they’re going to show.

But! 2018 is going to be a good year. No more negativity, its time to laugh, smile and enjoy life. Life without cancer for a change.

So here’s to 2018. The year we give cancer the middle finger!

soph&riley xx