Cancer Life


🎗FOUR years ago today my heart was broken, i was told my baby had cancer… stage 4 high risk neuroblastoma.

as a family this was the worst day of our lives. we had all these people trying to tell us information about what was going to happen next & all i could think about was what riley was like only a few weeks before like a ‘normal’ child but the child that was sat on my knee now had cancer & he was so poorly.

riley had 15 months worth of treatment – 7 chemotherapy sessions, 4hours in surgery having his main tumour removed, high dose chemotherapy, stem cell transplant where he spent 9 long weeks in the same room after catching so many infections and also spending time in intensive care, 15 radiotherapy sessions, immunotherapy & antibodies treatment riley was put into remission & has been for over 2 years now.

we have met some of the most amazing people throughout this journey, riley has been cared for by the most amazing Oncology Team – his consultants, doctors, nurses and surgeons who will always have a massive place in my heart!🎗

it is the most amazing thing to see riley going to school now, making friends, laughing & smiling. he amazes me every single day and I couldn’t be any more proud of him!

Riley is and always will be our very own super hero🎗

Daily Life

Is your friendship over?

How and when do you decide when a ‘friendship’ is over?

Sometimes when ‘friends’ fade away or change it can be hard to accept but deciding when a ‘friendship’ is over is a step to letting go. There can be many situations when you should let your ‘friendship’ die, thee is also ways to fix your ‘friendship’ is you choose to do so. You have to think carefully about the decision to end your ‘friendship’.

Firstly do you even like your ‘friend’?

Sometimes you will find yourself going in different directions to your ‘friend’ and find out you actually have little in common but still find yourself calling that them your ‘friend’. Honestly if you feel like your making all the effort and not getting anything back from your friend it’s probably time to accept that the ‘friendship’ is dead. Do you care about your ‘friend’ still? Do they care about you? How important is your ‘friendship’ exactly?

How often do you have arguments with your ‘friend’?

Do you keep having massive arguments and total misunderstanding? Do you feel disappointed in them? Do they feel this way too? If so you should decide to end the ‘friendship’. Friends aren’t always going to get along but you should be able to know you can both see eye to eye most of the time!

Do not stick with hurtful friends!!!

If your ‘friend’ is constantly talking about you behind your back or worse to your face it definitely is time to end the friendship! Your ‘friends’ should care for you, love you and want nothing but the best for you! They should definitely respect you! I know deciding to end a ‘friendship’ can be extremely hard though. If you see them bad mouthing your name on social media you should definitely not be ‘friends’. Just ask yourself, If your ‘friend’ is talking about you behind your back, are they sharing your secrets?

Are you important to each other?

If your both not making time to see each other and only communicate when your making the first move to contact them first I think you can safely say it’s time to end the ‘friendship’. ‘Friends’ should make each other a priority. Maybe it’s time to think of them as an acquaintance rather then an actual ‘friend’.

Are they always talking about themselves?

Does your ‘friend’ think they’re the Center of the world? Do they always talk about themselves? Do they ever ask about your day or if your okay when you actually do spend time together? Have they actually apologised for anything they’ve done? They probably don’t value your ‘friendship’. Make the right choice and end the ‘friendship’.

You Constantly Have Awkward Conversation?

Unfortunately when you can no longer hold a conversation with your friend that’s a sign that the friendship is coming too an end. Even if you do have something to talk about is there a sense of awkwardness? Do you even have heart to hearts anymore?

Are they around for important milestones in your life?

A good friend should be like family, they will take time to share the most important times in your life, whether they are happy or sad! If your friend no longer makes time to be there for you then you are probably not going to be friends for much longer!

Do you disagree with your friend choices in life?

As we get older you take on more responsibility. You start thinking about a family, having a house, driving, maybe a mortgage and start fending for your family. With doing this you have to make changes in your life! You can’t always hang out with your friends. You can’t always go out on a weekend drinking until 4 in the morning. If your friend can’t accept this then it’s a sign the friendship is over.

Do you still hang out?

This is probably the best way to see if your friendship is fading away! Has it been weeks/months since you last saw each other? Maybe you’ve just gotten too busy and not had the time? Whatever, neither of you go out of your way to make time for each other and plans to hang out.

You have separate groups of friends

Friends usually grow apart when they have a separate group of friends. This could be as a result of your lives not as interesting as they used to. You will usually notice that your mutual friends are reducing and you two barely know each other’s new friends.

Cancer Life

🎗Scanxiety, it’s a thing.

Scanxiety, it’s a thing…

It doesn’t go away,

It comes and goes but it doesn’t go away.

It’s been 3 years, 10months so scan days are nothing new. Maybe this should be getting easier? Sometimes it does, but sometimes it doesn’t.. it hits me like a tone of bricks crashing down on me again and these are the moments when it’s hard to breathe sometimes.

You know it hits you out the blue, I could be driving to Morrison’s and remember it’s scan day next week, tears well up in my eyes until there’s too many and they drip down my cheeks then there I am sniffling and sobbing, a living breathing bundle of anxiety.

I know I should be trusting my gut because that’s telling me everything will be okay and Riley looks amazing but I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t have these moments where the worries and fears just come running in and it seems so much bigger then I can handle!

Here I am tonight, lying in bed wondering what the mri will say tomorrow! Don’t think I’ll get much sleep tonight.

What if there’s a small tiny tumour?

What if there’s a different cancer?

What if, what if, what if?

Just when I think it’s all quiet and calm in my heart the worse case scenarios would start playing out in my head! The memory or when I was told Riley had cancer is there all the time. There is no off button.

For the past 3 years and 10 months all I’ve wanted to do is take this all away from Riley. But I can’t, all I can do is wait for the results.

So that’s what I have to do.

It’s scan day tomorrow.


🎗Goodbye September. CCAM. #ablogaday

So September has passed us by,

The month is nearly done.

We thank you all for going gold,

Each and every one.

We weren’t here to scare you,

We don’t want to annoy.

We simply like to spread the word,

To help your girl or boy.

We sprinkled awareness everywhere,

Shared the stories of those we love.

We’ve Glowed and we’ve sparkled,

To show the hope that we dream of.

For the children who are in pain,

For our babies suffering.

For the parents clinging onto hope,

Why? they are wondering.

For the Angels up in heaven,

We must never stop believing

That one day everyone will know

And they’ll be no more grieving.

So now you know.

You’ve learnt a lot.

Children are suffering,

Much more than you thought.

But for us it won’t be over,

We’re aware every single day.

Please keep spreading glitter,

In each and every way.

For us, our courageous children,

Are far more precious than gold.

For us all we truly want,

Is for our children to grow old.



🎗The GOLD ribbon. CCAM. #ablogaday. day30.

So that’s it. September is over for 2018!

I’m winding down now, I’m tired after reliving some of our memories through cancer… I need to put them back in my box rather then in my head. After all we are forgetting cancer this year (well trying!)

I think it’s safe to say us cancer parents have a lot to put up with. There is a lack of funding, research and awareness!!!

We want you to know the GOLD ribbon as well as you know the PINK ribbon. I know every cancer is shit. My grandma had breast cancer so I always support the pink ribbon too. But, in awareness terms breast cancer has a high profile. It gets a fair bit of funding and awareness.

Most people seems to prefer to stick their heads in the sand and honestly pretend children don’t get cancer, rather than face the stark reality that they bloody do and they also still die in 2018!

We need kinder treatments. Not the ones that give you secondary cancers hear later when you are just starting to enjoy your life.

Childhood cancers are different to adult cancers. They don’t have the same treatments, they have different research.

Honestly. The more we shout about Childhood Cancer, the more awareness we raise!!! The more awareness we raise, the more interest and money we can get for research! The more research we get the more lives we can possibly save.

It is simple.

We have no idea why kids get cancer, that’s why we need more research!!!

Children can be born with cancer and often are… Riley’s cancer is likely to have started growing whilst he was still inside my tummy.

So, what is it?

Until we have more research, we don’t know but, I do know it could happen to anyone. It happened to my child, it’s only rare until it’s you or someone you know.

Oh, before I forget, fuck cancer…..