First Day Back To School 2019 | January ✨

Riley went back to school yesterday!

I actually set my alarm early to get up and ready before waking Riley up so I was verrrrry organised this morning which is one of my new year resolutions!

I woke him up and told him it was time to go back to school and he burst into tears, saying he didn’t want to leave me. Actually made me abit upset tbh. He gets so used to been at home with me and coco when school breaks up for holidays.

Once we got to school and he saw his friends he was obviously fine.

He managed to have a good day and even did PE outside for a while.

As he was so good his Auntie Alice treated us to Pizza Hut for tea which is his favourite! Who’s favourite tea isn’t pizza!

With me doing slimming world I got a flat bread pizza with lots of salad and it was lovely! Counting my syns for the next two days with that. So I will see what the scales say to me on Friday…. wish me luck!

So its back to the school runs, back to making small talk with the mummies. Haha.

x x x x

🎗What being a “Cancer Mum” really means to me. CCAM #ablogaday day26

Honestly,

you wont take anything for granted anymore. you actually know the true meaning of anything can happen at anytime! it doesn’t matter how much money you have or how happy you are. it doesn’t matter how much stress you have already been though in life!

I often wonder if there was something I could have done even when I know there was nothing I could do. I have always said how much I love Riley and honestly I would die for him. I would literally take his cancer out of him into my own body if I could!

I don’t really care about how well he’s doing at school, I’m just glad he’s able to go to school. Some children don’t!

I used to listen to songs and sometimes honestly, I would wonder if I would have to play this at his funeral. Yes, I did think about burying my child! Because honestly, when I was told Riley’s chance of survival was only a small 40% to me it wasn’t a lot! Your mind wonders off. You think, you really over think…

I thought about myself dying, I know I wouldn’t be able to go on if Riley didn’t make it though his cancer. Riley is my only child (for now!) he’s my world, I couldn’t live without him.

Every leg ache, rash, little bruise, headache he has, it makes me feel sick inside. Always thinking the worse could happen again.

I used to want to scream at people! They don’t know how lucky they are! They don’t know what they have got!

I had to come to terms with what could cure him could also kill him and cause future cancers. It destroyed his beautiful body.

A version of my died the day Riley was diagnosed and a new version came alive. I am stronger then ever.

You meet children, you fall in love with them, each their own little superhero. Their parents become your closet friends.

I want to make changes and make a difference but honestly, I don’t even know where to start. I jus hope my voice can one day make that difference!

This is how I feel and I know other oncology parents feel.

🎗 Your heart. CCAM #ablogaday day11

Just being told your child has cancer your entire heart breaks.

Having to kiss your child goodbye as they are wheeled into theatre your entire heart breaks.

Having to hold him down as they try to take blood for the 4th time your entire heart breaks.

Holding a vomit bowl whilst rubbing his back as he throws up after another bunch of poison pumped into him your entire heart breaks.

Noticing his hair on his pillow your entire heart breaks.

Hearing of another child going to play with the angels your entire heart breaks.

Having him look up at you while he enjoys his fave food your heart starts to heal.

Hearing him laugh and seeing him smile your heart starts to heal.

Seeing him run around at home your heart starts to heal.

Hearing him say “I love you mummy” your heart starts to heal.

Cuddling up on sofa watching his fave programme your heart starts to heal.

The consultant saying “good news, scans are all clear!” your heart starts to heal.

Childhood cancer is not rare.

Its never the exact same story for every child. Each child takes a different path, each child’s cancer story has a different ending.

No cancer is the easy one, every one has the same effects, your entire heart breaks, your heart heals.

For some it never does heal but for every parent their heart will never beat the same again…

What I wish I’d told everybody when Riley was diagnosed.

” Friends, Neighbors, Acquaintances & Facebook…

My child has been diagnosed with cancer, Neuroblastoma. We’ll be in the hospital for months during treatment. Which means away from home. I know this might shock and upset you but cry with me not for me.

I love that your thoughts are with us even if I don’t reply to your texts or messages. As of this minute I don’t have the answers to your questions…

Until I set up a page to make updates too you all, I’ll be posting one Facebook status every few days. I’ll be telling information to close family who can then pass on the information to other people as that will be easier for me.

If you want to help, please go ahead and make some quick meals for us to warm up in the microwave as that’s what we’re going to be relying on in the ward. I have to stay with him at all times & although I’m staying on the ward I’m not provided any meals. Oh and a gingerbread latte would be nice too. Try and have a somewhat normal conversation with us. Want to come visit us, please do it. The ward is so friendly.

l will be tired. So mind blown. In shock and scared. I would love if you visited even if I don’t talk much, my mind will be thinking over time about what’s going to happen to him. Maybe you could watch him for 10 minutes so I can get some fresh air or a quick shower?

I will have very limited sleep as the beeping of the IV machines will be going off every 2 hours during the night for more fluids and chemotherapy. I will have limited access to WiFi, food, technology & essentials.

Thank you so much for understanding & sending your love. ”

From a parent who child now has cancer.