Daily Life

Been a hard few weeks.

I’ve had probably the worst two weeks I’ve had in a while. I’ve cried so many tears. It’s been so difficult for me but I’ve got past it and right now I’m honestly at the point where I don’t care anymore but who knows what I’m like tomorrow or the day after or next week….

I’ve decided the time has come that me and Riley need to adventure away from my parents house and find a place for us to finally call our home. I don’t know how I can say I’ve decided when tbh it feels like I’m been pushed out. See my parents think it’s for the best because ‘we will get along better’… I just think it’s because they don’t want me around anymore tbh, which I know probably isn’t true but it’s how I honestly have felt since they said about getting me own place. Whatever to that too. I am 24 next month so it is probably about time I did move out. Just hard when the only place you’ve known as home won’t be anymore.

Last Sunday I ended up getting into an arguments with my parents. Things were said, some very upsetting things. Which I still feel upset about it all but we’ve all apologised and ‘sorted it’. It’s just difficult for me to talk about a lot of things in the family to people because I find it hard for people to understand where I’m coming from. It’s just hard for me to know that I am wanted in the family. Sometimes I feel like the disappointment, when I think back to school and collage I probably am that. I didn’t do well at school. I just pay for it now I guess. It was only last year I found out I was dyslexic and then everything made sense, just found out at the wrong time.

On the other hand I’ve had my fair arguments with somebody who I thought was my best friend. I’ve been pushed too the side. Had about everything thrown in my face. As I keep saying to myself I don’t need the negativity in my life. I don’t need the drama or the upset. I’m sick of standing on egg shells, been paranoid and nervous about them. I’m passed it and no longer care. Friends come and go…

Even though these past two weeks have been difficult I’ve made it. I’ve felt the looniest I have felt in a while. I’ve felt so low. I didn’t brush my hair for 3 days, I didn’t shower for 5. I wasn’t walking Coco. I was dropping Riley off at school and coming home and getting back into bed. Something I haven’t done in months…

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Even though I have spent two weeks crying, been upset, been anxious and stressed I don’t think I would have got through it without somebody special in my life. Somebody who’s kept me on my feet. Kept me talking. Kept my smiling and been there for me every time I have needed it. He has been my absolute rock! It’s nice to know somebody’s got my back and thinks about me. It’s been hard for me so I don’t know what it’s been like for them. I know I can be a pain in the bum most times, probably all the time. It’s just nice to know that somebody actually does care about me. Is there for me when I do need it.

I get Riley’s scan results on Monday too. He had his 6month check up scan on Friday the 13th. What an awful day I know! I keep telling myself everything will be fine but last week he was upset because his belly was hurting him and he wasn’t eating that much. He has these little bruises under his eyes which will always be there because of the cancer growing there when he was diagnosed so when he gets pale they get darker so that always makes me on edge! Just got to think about the best results and try and forget about the worst but the worst are always going to be there before the best because they always always take over. Like now, it’s what 12.37am and even writing that is making me think about them. It’s torture. The negative thoughts taking the positives!

I know this is totally different to what I’m used to writing about. I’m sorry.

Sophie. xx

Daily Life

Riley turns 5!

Riley’s birthday.

On Saturday (24th February) Riley had his first proper party at his favourite play area! By proper party I mean more then 1 friend like we’ve done before they’re was 16 friends that came. He had all his friends from school. 16 children and he absolutely loved it. Playing with all his friends and they had the whole place to themselves. Riley absolutely loved all the attention, Who doesn’t on their birthday?

Really did make me smile seeing him run around with all his friends having fun, laughing and smiling! He had the biggest smile on his face throughout it all. Makes me so proud to be his mummy.

Riley has a really lovely bunch of friends. Really chatty little children. They all get along with each other so well and it was so nice to see them all encouraging each other to go down the different slides. I honestly feel like these children have definitely really brought Riley’s self esteem right up. They’ve encouraged him to do so much more then when he first started reception… so so so proud of him!

27|February – Birthday!!!

Riley woke up to snow! Yes snow!

What more could he wish for? Snow on your birthday I think that’s every kids dream. Unfortunately he did have to go to school but when I picked him up he said he did have a lovely day!

He managed to open all his presents before he had to go to school but he didn’t get a chance to get any of them out and have a play before we had to set off for school! He wasn’t too interested in his cards though but I guess kids never are.

I just can’t believe I have a 5 year old. I mean when Riley finished all his cancer treatments it literally felt like I was starting with a new born baby. But he had just turned 3 and now he’s 5! I just can’t believe it! Really couldn’t be more proud of him!! Absolutely love him all this world and so much more.

Happy Birthday to my darling Riley. I love you so very much. x x x x x x