Inside No 59.

Last Tuesday, 14th May I got the keys to my house. A lot has been done in the past week and lots more money has been spent!

Carpets ordered and paid for which are getting fitted tomorrow!! So exciting!

Rileys new bed has been delivered just needs to be built once the carpets are down.

Got a beautiful corner sofa ordered which will be delivered in 5 weeks hopefully!

Since my side gate was kicked in by stupid kids having nothing better to do my mum and dad bought and fitted my new one today! I had somebody dump a load of rubbish in my back garden on Friday night which pissed me off!!! So had to deal with that which was an absolute joke.

Me and my mum spent one afternoon just cleaning the outside of the front and back doors.

I spent one morning cleaning all the windows which were black! Honestly looked like they had never been opened before. Was shocking tbh. And then cleaned the inside of the front and back doors.

The decorator has been there everyday since I got the keys turning what was a blank white canvas into a beautiful colourful home!

I ordered and paid for blinds for the full house which were fitted on Monday! Honestly the blinds made the house look so much more like a house if that makes sense.

Today I’ve cleared the horrible gravel from my pathway. The gravel leaded right up to the front door. I didn’t want Riley to fall on it when it rained either so thought it was best to have a nice little path we could walk on.

The back garden needs a proper gut clean aswell now. The window frames need cleaning!

When the time comes where I’ve got abit more money behind me because atm I’m bloody skint! 😭 I’ll get my bed but right now that’s not something I need as I am taking the bed I have at my mums with me.

Most importantly everything is coming together now nicely!

Move in day Saturday…

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Slimming World | Week Four | #SlimmingWorld

Okay so last week I lost a lovely 2 pounds!!! Yeeey I was so happy and definitely planned for another loss this week too but, how I failed this week…

So I bought more slimming world meals on the Saturday morning, ready for my week ahead I knew what I was having. But, Riley started to feel unwell in the afternoon. He was sick, then the diarrhoea started. After he was sick he felt better but he was sleeping a lot that afternoon so I still decided I was going to go out for a meal and cinema like I’d planned.

I went to go to Glass! Wouldn’t waste your time btw.

As soon as I got home I went to check in Riley, as I always do. Riley had had an accident in his sleep, the smell was terrible! After changing his bed and giving him a wash. I was awake most the night, humming and aaarrring weather or not to ring 111 and get some advice. I decided to sleep on it and ring them in the morning…

The Sunday morning he wasn’t much better. He wasn’t eating only drinking, the sickness and diarrhoea was still there and he looked so pale. I decided to ring 111 and get advice. They told me to get to the hospital A&E within the hour. Obviously I was emotionally eating! My sister bless her brought me food to keep me going but because I was tired I just wanted to say rubbish so I did.

Turned out Riley had a terrible bug. Didn’t send him to school Monday and Tuesday. So I carried on eating rubbish followed by more rubbish and more rubbish! Sugar drinks the lot. Anything to keep my energy up because I was just so tired!

Wednesday I didn’t feel that great I was light headed so more sugar drinks and chocolate was my only answer.

Then Thursday I was blessed with my star week. So as you can imagine I’ve had a rubbish week. Urgh.

Sooooooooo… this week the scales said… I had put 1.5lbs ON!

Which I was expecting.

This week I’m going to try my best to get that off and a little more! I’m going to plan ahead. Plan my meals. Plan my snacks. Plan everything I can! I’m going to really push myself.

Wish me luck!!

Ive realised!

A few weeks ago I posted a blog asking what a true friend was. https://justsophandriley.blog/2018/04/09/what-is-a-true-friend/

Well after many many many arguments with my ‘friend’ and so much disappointment I’ve realised I’m done. I was done a long time ago but been the person I am I gave them another chance to prove me and everybody else wrong. They just proved us all right.

I feel like I’m honestly changing, I’m 24. I’m an adult. I don’t need the childish friendships that they are wanting. I’m finally getting my shit together and it feels good!

I have made so much effort with them and haven’t gotten anything in return apart from upset. It does hurt, of course it’s going to hurt. We’ve been ‘friends’ for an unlucky 13 years. But I’m making this decision because of their actions and I’m not sorry.

They have been horrible to me. Honestly they have done me a favour now. I can realise what I do actually want in a friend and what I N E V E R want again. I don’t need somebody who is this toxic. They’ve taken so much of my emotional energy from me. Life is too short to have people treat you the way you don’t treat them. I wouldn’t do to them what they have me. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who don’t have your best interests at heart. Your best friend should be your biggest fan. They shouldn’t be nasty too you or nasty about you. There’s enough people out there that can be nasty to you, your best friend and your friendship group should not be one of those people. Surround yourself with people who raise and praise you.

I met up with one of my friends I’ve known since primary school. We went too our kids favourite play areas and you know what it was really nice to sit down and have a double c (coffee&chat) about the kids, school, mummy life, clothes and the celeb gossip! It was actually lovely to spend time with somebody who actually enjoyed my company.

My friend has not long had a baby boy. It was lovely to have some baby snuggles too which is always a bonus! The kids all played together nicely and we even arranged another day trip out! We used to always hang out not long after I had Riley as they only used to live down the street from us. When Riley got poorly obviously all my attention was on him and I put my social life aside when they have always understood!

It’s nice to know that I do have friends. Friends I don’t have to speak too everyday. When I’m with them I know I am wanted.

I’m taking massive steps in my life to change. To be a better person. To be a stronger person.

Be picky with your clothes, friend & time.

Scan Results 🎗

We have the most wonderful news to share with you all!

Riley’s recent scan results were all

C L E A R!!! 💛💛

This year we are trying so hard to put cancer behind us but when it comes to his 6monthly scans it is hard to not think back to when he was diagnosed and he was having all these different tests and scans done.

It’s always the best sound to hear when his consultant tells me his scans are all clear!! The anxiety stops for another 6 months.

Riley is 5 years old now, he was only 21months when he was diagnosed. He is asking more questions about when he was having treatment for his cancer. So far he’s asked… “has my cancer gone yet” “why didn’t I have any hair” I just try and explain things to him the best that I can with him only been 5 it’s still hard for him to be able to understand things probably. He knows why he didn’t have any hair. His knows why he had a wiggly line and a tube in his nose. He understands more now when he has to go for his MRI scans. We have pictures all over the house of Riley with no hair so it’s understandable he’s going to ask questions. He knows he is a special little boy who has the best superpowers! We got a book from his consultant about Lucy having a tumour so hopefully the more we can read of that he will be able to understand a little bit more…

Riley has now been in remission for 2years! 730days! He’s had 4 clear scans in a row now! Which is bloody amazing!!!

So so so proud of my amazing strong little boy. I will always be every so grateful to the oncology team at the hospital for helping save my little boys life! We had some absolutely horrible times when Riley had his treatment but now it’s all about having fun, counting our blessings and making the most wonderful memories!

I love you Riley.

Been a hard few weeks.

I’ve had probably the worst two weeks I’ve had in a while. I’ve cried so many tears. It’s been so difficult for me but I’ve got past it and right now I’m honestly at the point where I don’t care anymore but who knows what I’m like tomorrow or the day after or next week….

I’ve decided the time has come that me and Riley need to adventure away from my parents house and find a place for us to finally call our home. I don’t know how I can say I’ve decided when tbh it feels like I’m been pushed out. See my parents think it’s for the best because ‘we will get along better’… I just think it’s because they don’t want me around anymore tbh, which I know probably isn’t true but it’s how I honestly have felt since they said about getting me own place. Whatever to that too. I am 24 next month so it is probably about time I did move out. Just hard when the only place you’ve known as home won’t be anymore.

Last Sunday I ended up getting into an arguments with my parents. Things were said, some very upsetting things. Which I still feel upset about it all but we’ve all apologised and ‘sorted it’. It’s just difficult for me to talk about a lot of things in the family to people because I find it hard for people to understand where I’m coming from. It’s just hard for me to know that I am wanted in the family. Sometimes I feel like the disappointment, when I think back to school and collage I probably am that. I didn’t do well at school. I just pay for it now I guess. It was only last year I found out I was dyslexic and then everything made sense, just found out at the wrong time.

On the other hand I’ve had my fair arguments with somebody who I thought was my best friend. I’ve been pushed too the side. Had about everything thrown in my face. As I keep saying to myself I don’t need the negativity in my life. I don’t need the drama or the upset. I’m sick of standing on egg shells, been paranoid and nervous about them. I’m passed it and no longer care. Friends come and go…

Even though these past two weeks have been difficult I’ve made it. I’ve felt the looniest I have felt in a while. I’ve felt so low. I didn’t brush my hair for 3 days, I didn’t shower for 5. I wasn’t walking Coco. I was dropping Riley off at school and coming home and getting back into bed. Something I haven’t done in months…

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Even though I have spent two weeks crying, been upset, been anxious and stressed I don’t think I would have got through it without somebody special in my life. Somebody who’s kept me on my feet. Kept me talking. Kept my smiling and been there for me every time I have needed it. He has been my absolute rock! It’s nice to know somebody’s got my back and thinks about me. It’s been hard for me so I don’t know what it’s been like for them. I know I can be a pain in the bum most times, probably all the time. It’s just nice to know that somebody actually does care about me. Is there for me when I do need it.

I get Riley’s scan results on Monday too. He had his 6month check up scan on Friday the 13th. What an awful day I know! I keep telling myself everything will be fine but last week he was upset because his belly was hurting him and he wasn’t eating that much. He has these little bruises under his eyes which will always be there because of the cancer growing there when he was diagnosed so when he gets pale they get darker so that always makes me on edge! Just got to think about the best results and try and forget about the worst but the worst are always going to be there before the best because they always always take over. Like now, it’s what 12.37am and even writing that is making me think about them. It’s torture. The negative thoughts taking the positives!

I know this is totally different to what I’m used to writing about. I’m sorry.

Sophie. xx