Riley went back to school yesterday!
I actually set my alarm early to get up and ready before waking Riley up so I was verrrrry organised this morning which is one of my new year resolutions!
I woke him up and told him it was time to go back to school and he burst into tears, saying he didn’t want to leave me. Actually made me abit upset tbh. He gets so used to been at home with me and coco when school breaks up for holidays.
Once we got to school and he saw his friends he was obviously fine.
He managed to have a good day and even did PE outside for a while.
As he was so good his Auntie Alice treated us to Pizza Hut for tea which is his favourite! Who’s favourite tea isn’t pizza!
With me doing slimming world I got a flat bread pizza with lots of salad and it was lovely! Counting my syns for the next two days with that. So I will see what the scales say to me on Friday…. wish me luck!
So its back to the school runs, back to making small talk with the mummies. Haha.
x x x x
This New Year’s Eve I’m looking forwards to going into 2019 with a happy and healthy 5 year old son.
I can proudly say this year again Riley hasn’t had to have any cancer related treatment, he’s had to odd physio appointment but no treatment and that is amazing!
Riley has also reached 2 years in remission this year which is definitely something I am proud to tell people. He is definitely my own super hero.
Riley has taken everything all in his stride, school, pe, learning new things and his confidence has grown so much.My beautiful Riley, I hope in 2019 you reach 3 years in remission. I hope you continue to smile and laugh every day. I hope we make lots of wonderful memories together. I hope you have fun with your friends. I hope you help me to grow to be the best mummy I can be to you. I hope you continue to grow in confidence and achieve whatever goals you set yourself.
Whatever 2019 brings for us I will be there for you. I will protect you and love you. I will keep you safe and I promise you will always get your snuggle on a night.
My 5 year old son, my own little superhero, my everything.
You make me feel so lucky, you have made me so proud!
I will love you always.
Mummy x x x
Just being told your child has cancer your entire heart breaks.
Having to kiss your child goodbye as they are wheeled into theatre your entire heart breaks.
Having to hold him down as they try to take blood for the 4th time your entire heart breaks.
Holding a vomit bowl whilst rubbing his back as he throws up after another bunch of poison pumped into him your entire heart breaks.
Noticing his hair on his pillow your entire heart breaks.
Hearing of another child going to play with the angels your entire heart breaks.
Having him look up at you while he enjoys his fave food your heart starts to heal.
Hearing him laugh and seeing him smile your heart starts to heal.
Seeing him run around at home your heart starts to heal.
Hearing him say “I love you mummy” your heart starts to heal.
Cuddling up on sofa watching his fave programme your heart starts to heal.
The consultant saying “good news, scans are all clear!” your heart starts to heal.
Childhood cancer is not rare.
Its never the exact same story for every child. Each child takes a different path, each child’s cancer story has a different ending.
No cancer is the easy one, every one has the same effects, your entire heart breaks, your heart heals.
For some it never does heal but for every parent their heart will never beat the same again…
A few weeks ago I posted a blog asking what a true friend was. https://justsophandriley.blog/2018/04/09/what-is-a-true-friend/
Well after many many many arguments with my ‘friend’ and so much disappointment I’ve realised I’m done. I was done a long time ago but been the person I am I gave them another chance to prove me and everybody else wrong. They just proved us all right.
I feel like I’m honestly changing, I’m 24. I’m an adult. I don’t need the childish friendships that they are wanting. I’m finally getting my shit together and it feels good!
I have made so much effort with them and haven’t gotten anything in return apart from upset. It does hurt, of course it’s going to hurt. We’ve been ‘friends’ for an unlucky 13 years. But I’m making this decision because of their actions and I’m not sorry.
They have been horrible to me. Honestly they have done me a favour now. I can realise what I do actually want in a friend and what I N E V E R want again. I don’t need somebody who is this toxic. They’ve taken so much of my emotional energy from me. Life is too short to have people treat you the way you don’t treat them. I wouldn’t do to them what they have me. Life is too short to surround yourself with people who don’t have your best interests at heart. Your best friend should be your biggest fan. They shouldn’t be nasty too you or nasty about you. There’s enough people out there that can be nasty to you, your best friend and your friendship group should not be one of those people. Surround yourself with people who raise and praise you.
I met up with one of my friends I’ve known since primary school. We went too our kids favourite play areas and you know what it was really nice to sit down and have a double c (coffee&chat) about the kids, school, mummy life, clothes and the celeb gossip! It was actually lovely to spend time with somebody who actually enjoyed my company.
My friend has not long had a baby boy. It was lovely to have some baby snuggles too which is always a bonus! The kids all played together nicely and we even arranged another day trip out! We used to always hang out not long after I had Riley as they only used to live down the street from us. When Riley got poorly obviously all my attention was on him and I put my social life aside when they have always understood!
It’s nice to know that I do have friends. Friends I don’t have to speak too everyday. When I’m with them I know I am wanted.
I’m taking massive steps in my life to change. To be a better person. To be a stronger person.
Be picky with your clothes, friend & time.
This year we are giving cancer the middle finger!
2018 isn’t going to be about cancer or neuroblastoma. its not going to get the attention it doesn’t deserve.
2018 is time for Riley to learn lots of new things and to have more adventures. Everyday he wakes up with a smile on his face showing cancer it didn’t win this battle and its not about to destroy his day.
Riley knows he had cancer but he doesn’t let that beat him so why should we let cancer be so focused on in 2018? We shouldn’t!
We know the side effects from his treatment will be there with us daily regarding his physical development & his ears but that is something we are dealing with now, sooner rather then later in the year. We’ve just got an appointment sorted out for ENT next week!
We’re going to make lots more memories. Try lots of new things. Adventure further and laugh so much more then we have done before.
2018 also marks 2 full years in remission which is obviously amazing!
We’ve focused our lives on cancer so much these past 3 years, with Riley having all his different treatments, tests & scans in between them & then waiting for the results. It gives you the worst anxiety you ever have to experience. Don’t get me wrong the anxiety is probably always going to be around tests & scans because you will never know what they’re going to show.
But! 2018 is going to be a good year. No more negativity, its time to laugh, smile and enjoy life. Life without cancer for a change.
So here’s to 2018. The year we give cancer the middle finger!