🎗What being a “Cancer Mum” really means to me. CCAM #ablogaday day26

Honestly,

you wont take anything for granted anymore. you actually know the true meaning of anything can happen at anytime! it doesn’t matter how much money you have or how happy you are. it doesn’t matter how much stress you have already been though in life!

I often wonder if there was something I could have done even when I know there was nothing I could do. I have always said how much I love Riley and honestly I would die for him. I would literally take his cancer out of him into my own body if I could!

I don’t really care about how well he’s doing at school, I’m just glad he’s able to go to school. Some children don’t!

I used to listen to songs and sometimes honestly, I would wonder if I would have to play this at his funeral. Yes, I did think about burying my child! Because honestly, when I was told Riley’s chance of survival was only a small 40% to me it wasn’t a lot! Your mind wonders off. You think, you really over think…

I thought about myself dying, I know I wouldn’t be able to go on if Riley didn’t make it though his cancer. Riley is my only child (for now!) he’s my world, I couldn’t live without him.

Every leg ache, rash, little bruise, headache he has, it makes me feel sick inside. Always thinking the worse could happen again.

I used to want to scream at people! They don’t know how lucky they are! They don’t know what they have got!

I had to come to terms with what could cure him could also kill him and cause future cancers. It destroyed his beautiful body.

A version of my died the day Riley was diagnosed and a new version came alive. I am stronger then ever.

You meet children, you fall in love with them, each their own little superhero. Their parents become your closet friends.

I want to make changes and make a difference but honestly, I don’t even know where to start. I jus hope my voice can one day make that difference!

This is how I feel and I know other oncology parents feel.

Riley turns 5!

Riley’s birthday.

On Saturday (24th February) Riley had his first proper party at his favourite play area! By proper party I mean more then 1 friend like we’ve done before they’re was 16 friends that came. He had all his friends from school. 16 children and he absolutely loved it. Playing with all his friends and they had the whole place to themselves. Riley absolutely loved all the attention, Who doesn’t on their birthday?

Really did make me smile seeing him run around with all his friends having fun, laughing and smiling! He had the biggest smile on his face throughout it all. Makes me so proud to be his mummy.

Riley has a really lovely bunch of friends. Really chatty little children. They all get along with each other so well and it was so nice to see them all encouraging each other to go down the different slides. I honestly feel like these children have definitely really brought Riley’s self esteem right up. They’ve encouraged him to do so much more then when he first started reception… so so so proud of him!

27|February – Birthday!!!

Riley woke up to snow! Yes snow!

What more could he wish for? Snow on your birthday I think that’s every kids dream. Unfortunately he did have to go to school but when I picked him up he said he did have a lovely day!

He managed to open all his presents before he had to go to school but he didn’t get a chance to get any of them out and have a play before we had to set off for school! He wasn’t too interested in his cards though but I guess kids never are.

I just can’t believe I have a 5 year old. I mean when Riley finished all his cancer treatments it literally felt like I was starting with a new born baby. But he had just turned 3 and now he’s 5! I just can’t believe it! Really couldn’t be more proud of him!! Absolutely love him all this world and so much more.

Happy Birthday to my darling Riley. I love you so very much. x x x x x x